Today I sat down in the office in front of my computers for the first time in I don't know how long to actually get some work done. It feels odd to me. Like the first day back to school after summer vacation always did.
If you don't know, my PTSD has given me the lovely privilege of being classified as unemployable. If you know me, you know how annoying that is to me. I really like working. I like that thing called money. Paying your bills puts you into the cool kids club and I want to remain a card carrying member of that club.
In a nutshell, I've been neglecting my online income streams. Severely neglecting. YouTube is stagnant. I haven't written anything on HubPages in about a year. I let my websites crash and burn with no new content along with their Facebook pages. The money I earn from all of that stuff right now is residual only since I haven't added anything new in a while. Why in the hell am I doing that?
Now the really sad thing is that I love the apps that I do... but I haven't done either one in a little over a week. I have excuses but excuses are not reasons. I was sick for almost a month... things went to hell in a hand basket with the house (furnace, dryer and sewer) so I had to be here whenever a company has been coming out to fix stuff. Problem is, it's wasn't all day every day. Like I said, excuses. I could have been online. Dropping affiliate links for all the new crap that I've been buying that I LOVE. Writing. A writer that doesn't write isn't a writer, right? Right.
I just have to get a better grip on time and how quickly it gets away from me. I also have to get my motivation and confidence back. In the end game, I want more than I had before, the time management skills back to accomplish it and I want to go back to Croy Creek as a vendor.
Now that last one is going to be a doozie for me but I'm shooting for it because if you have the right stuff, the money is too good to pass on.
It doesn't sound like much to most people but for someone with active PTSD as severe as mine is, it feels as complicated as trying to move a mountain... or jumping into Old Faithful without being burned. Sounds impossible but it's all in the reality, and the perception. Mine have started to shift and change again and that excites me.
My mountain is a small mound of dirt... not to scale. I've called our bathtub Old Faithful for years. Jump away Lanie. Jump away.
Thing is, I doubt I'll ever be able to handle a 9 to 5 again or be able to do what a lot of people consider a normal job and I'm SO OK with that. I like working on my own terms and schedule. If you build it, the money will come.
If I play my cards right for the rest of 2020, our taxes will be a nightmare for this year and that's one cluster fuck that I'm actually looking forward to dealing with.
Happy Saturday... and thank you for listening. :)