Monday, February 17, 2020

PS: I Hated Them...

I'm manic today.  Earlier today I was OK with it because of the amount of energy that goes through me.  Then, after a while, I start to think about things and it starts to wear me down.  I become more relaxed and I have to hold on tight to my brain because if I'm not careful I will crash and burn.  What goes up... must come down.

Not all manic days are dumpster fire days though and today is day 4.

Right now I'm winding down and lucky you gets to read my BS today.  :)

At least a few things on my to do list were completed and I even did a few things that weren't on the to do list this past weekend... like rip the living room curtains down.  Literally.  Threw them in the trash and ordered new ones from Amazon.  Because I HATED them.

I texted Cory and asked him to stop at Dollar Tree on his way home from work and grab between 4 - 6 sponge mops.  When I pulled the curtains down and let the light into the room... oh HELL NO.  The walls in that living room need painted so badly.  It's nasty AF.  The only way I can really describe it is that to me, it looks like walls you would see in a crack house.

One of the things that has happened with my PTSD is visual.  I think it was because I didn't WANT to see some things so my brain blocked it out.  It's really disturbing once you realize what has been right in front of your face for years and you couldn't see it.

Another thing is I see things that aren't really there.  Ridiculous, threatening things like goblins and shadows.  I've always known that those things aren't real but "seeing" them does bring on that insane feeling like someone dangerous is in your house and you can't see them.  I'm lucky enough that I always recognized that as not being the real, and have been able to work myself through that feeling anytime it happened.

Even with all of the symptoms that I have, they say I'm not crazy.  Sometimes I really think I am but my sister in law said it very well when she said that everyone nuts, some just hide it better than others.  Yep.

Anyway... that's all that is on my mind today.  I know I said I was going to start writing here every Friday but yeah, we all see how that's going.  I swear one of my most consistent attributes is my inconsistencies.  Someday I might work on that.

Happy Monday!